All the gross things

I’m pretty sure that Leo just wiped his nose on the back of my shirt. The tissues are right next to us but I’m sitting right in front of him so I guess I was the closer option.
That is just one of the gross things that happen to you when you’re a parent.
Snot. Everywhere. And it’s not normal snot, it’s like this thick green disgusting slime that they just sit there with it dragging out their nose and it’s like it doesn’t bother them, it just sits there, dangling, until it gets all the way to their lip and you see them trying to lick it. THEY LICK THEIR SNOT. And you can’t sit there watching them all the time so it happens…. more than you like to admit.
There is no other word for it but disgusting.
But it’s normal. There are so many disgusting things that happen daily that I thought I would share them with you.
This wet patch on my back has inspired me, I should probably go change it but I’m on a roll, so here I go:
1. As I’ve already stated, there is the snot. Thick and green.
2. Then there is food. Not the normal food that goes on their plate. It’s the half chewed up food that they hold in their mouths for a few minutes until you ask them to spit it out and they spit it warm into your hand and it drips, mixed with the hoards of saliva they have been pooling all through your fingers (UGH!)
3. It goes without saying but the nappies, the new baby nappies, with the poo explosions that are so bad the only option is a bath for them and a shower for you, then when you think it can’t get worse than that and they start eating food and need I say no more.
4. The way they don’t just come equipped with table manners, they are grubs, the way they eat and the way that food goes in and then out and then in and then out before it finally goes in again and they swallow it.
5. While we are on food the way it goes everywhere, and it doesn’t matter if you puree it all, feed them on a spoon, they will grab it and smear it all through their hair, all over their face, all over your arm, anywhere. Teaching them to eat is painful, especially if you like things clean, so maybe get over that or buy bulk plastic drop sheets.
6. Then there is how they are always just a little bit sticky. Even after a bath, its like you give them five minutes and they will be sticky somehow, I don’t even know how they do it, they just do.
7. The stickiness seems to become a bit of a household theme, they drag it everywhere, through the house, their little hands touch EVERYTHING, handles, benches, drawers, your keys. The things won’t always be sticky, you do clean, but everything will have it’s moment.
8. On a similar note, there are puddles, spilled drink bottles that they don’t tell you about, secretly removed nappies, there is no greater dread than that of a mother who stands in a puddle and doesn’t know what it is or how long it has been there.
9. Sometimes the puddles are vomit, but that is generally reserved for your clothes. hair or hands (and if you’re really unlucky your mouth). Hence the reason, if you have a newborn, you can start to smell a little bit. It will be on you but you just stop caring. You won’t even know when you cross the line and reach that point, you just will and it’s OK because (believe it or not) you will stop smelling it. That’s right, there is a point in your life as a new parent where having vomit on you is so normal that you stop smelling it.
10. Last but not least is what they do to your car. How gut wrenching it is when you’re driving and you hear those vomit sounds followed by a splash, or how you hear a really wet sneeze followed by “oh noooo” or how there is a random smell when you get in and you find that little way too old bit of apple that they bit off and stuck down the side of their seat for later.

The list could go on I am sure, and maybe I will write another one when I have more time or at a different stage of Mum life, but for now this is a small snippet into the everyday disgustingness that is life with kids.

**Disclaimer: Their disgustingness can’t be that off putting because I have gone on to have three of them and I still think they are pretty amazing and beautiful… now I’d better go change this top!





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